THE AMBOY DOUCHE GETS COCK PUNCH FEVER

Does this nut job hunt unsuspecting mammalia in between solos at his shows? I don't think he does. But then why the fuck is he wearing camo from head to toe at his concerts? Maybe he thinks a rogue fawn will wander through the lawn area over at the main stage and he can slap a scope on his Les Paul with AK-47 attachment and cream Bambi before he gets to the encore where the crowd is roaring for the sacrifice of a wild boar during the last chorus of High Enough.

When the Nuge isn't rockin' out and layin' meedly-meedlies down for the Redneck masses, he's likely to be filming some flavor of bullshit for reality TV. As if the entertainment landscape weren't already filled to the gunnels with right-wing psychopaths and tired reality show hacks, Uncle Ted gives you both in one convenient package.

From his star turn on VH1's Supergroup with grade-A dillweed Sebastian Bach among others, to his own vehicle Surviving Nugent, Teddy Boy manages to find a way to drop the level of programming even on a network dredging the bottom of the barrel like VH1. And while we're on the subject, how big of an asshole do you have to be when you're in a band with Sebastian Bach and you're the biggest asshole?

As if being a rock icon, TV star and super hunter weren't enough, Mr. Nugent is also quite the political spokesperson. This guy is a real diplomat, too. Take for instance a 2007 comment The Nuge made: “Obama, he’s a piece of shit. I told him to suck on my machine gun. Hey Hillary, You might want to ride one of these into the sunset, you worthless bitch.” And let's remember that Uncle Ted is Straight Edge, so there will be no pawning off those little tirades on too much tequila backstage. Suck on my machine gun, huh? Where do you come up with these?

Finally, let us never forget that Uncle Ted loves the little children and wants to make sure that even as babes in arms they are trained to protect themselves in the face of danger. Danger like, you know, a woodchuck that's loose on the back 40. Check out this video for an example of the Nugent Nursery School.